420 and Hookup Friendly Apartment with a Foodie Host

HOUSE DISCLAIMERS Based on 8 years of hosting experience, these are the 4 types of people who often do not enjoy their time in my apartment. A. OCD neat freak types. I do the best I can- IE, I clean the bathroom & kitchen before guests arrive, and of course change the sheets and towels in the guest room- but I am absolutely NOT a world class cleaner, and try though I do, the common areas are likely to be on the cluttered side. B. Rightwing psychopaths who insist on sharing their political opinions with me. I have a strong tendency to hurt these people’s feelings, not based on rudeness, but based on being much better informed than they are, which tends to anger them quickly and greatly. C. Hyper-sensitive types. I am gregarious and opinionated, and, especially when drinking, I have been known to make off-the-cuff comments that amuse many but offend some. D. Anti-social types. I have a lot of friends, and I bring a lot of people over for sexual encounters. If you stay with me, it is very likely you will be meeting friends and ********’s/hookups while you’re here. If you fall into one or more of these categories, it is probably best if you stay elsewhere, but if you choose to stay here anyway, complaints on these 4 topics will be received completely unsympathetically. HOUSE RULES 1. Yes, you can bring hookups here, but only 1 stranger at a time per guest. This is for everyone's safety. 2. Yes, you can invite a few (3 or 4) people to have a few drinks here before you go out, but you can't have a full blown party here, especially at night after the bars close. 3. You are NOT allowed to smoke INSIDE our place, but it is totally OK on our pvt balcony w/ the door closed or on the shared rooftop. 4. Clean up after yourself (trash, dishes, messes, etc). 5. You are allowed to drink the filtered water & use the kitchen basics (coffee, tea, oil, spices), but please don't eat my food or drink my liquor or smoke my weed without permission (I never knew I'd need to put that one in writing, but a few recent guests seemed to think they were staying at an all-inclusive jaja). 6. You are not allowed to have champagne tastes on a beer budget. Here, you are paying the price of a 1 star hotel, with 2 star hotel cleanliness, 3 star hotel furnishings, 4 star hotel kitchen amenities, and 5 star hotel concierge services, so there’s a lot of value here, but you will not receive and have no right to expect 1 star prices but 5 star everything else.